Octobers are the Worst

I've done 83 mags. Only 2 have gone out after my deadline. Tonight will be the 3rd. Coincidentally, those other 2 times were Octobers as well.

Oh, how I hate how this next bit will sound. I hate excuses. I don’t mind reasons, but excuses hurt the ear.

Octobers are a tough deal for me. I’m not a fan of the term “triggers”, they’re real, I get it, I just don’t like the term. But October has those if I need to label them. There are the highs; two of my kids start the month off with birthdays. Everything after is a mess of depression on physical pain.

I’ve got degenerative scoliosis, most of you know that already. What you may not know is that I am highly susceptible to breaking down when the weather shifts. Some fancy pants tried to explain it to me once, something about the barometric pressure or the like. All I know is it hurts like hell and when the seasons change, so do I.

These seasonal breakdowns have two effects on your friendly neighborhood editor. The first is the incapacitating pain that can occur. We’re talking can’t lift myself off the bed type stuff here. I don’t know if you know what it feels like to go from lifting a couch by yourself to not being able to lift yourself from a couch, but I can assure you, it’s a tough pill to swallow. And it’s damn depressing. That’s the second part.

When I was young they called it manic depression. Now, I would guess, they call it severe depression. It’s not a bipolar disorder, it’s much, much rarer and far more severe than that. It’s debilitating. Forget the mag, I can’t talk to my damn kids when these episodes come on. They last about two weeks and happen every few years, severely. I have a weak version of it most years. A few comedies and it falls off me.

October ends with the anniversary of the death of my best friend while in college. He was an adoptee from South Korea who shared similar experiences. We were so close that if alive today, he’d be the one making this engine go with ad sales and motivation. This whole thing would be bigger, better and would actual make money if he were around. That reality hits and the idea of working on the mag flies out the window.

I’m making myself sick with all these excuses. Let’s just say October is gone and I can go back to putting forth my best effort.

Let’s move on.

Foster care is a frustrating racket.

Let’s not dilly dally, let’s get right into it. I’m going to write about the Family First Prevention Act and group homes.

It’s frustrating to need something and hate it at the exact same time.

I hate group homes and nearly all that we must do with juvenile law enforcement. I prefer a world where every kid has a family around them, but that isn’t always possible.

The Family First Prevention Act, while not perfect, does take steps in the right direction. I really endorse prevention before it gets to the foster care level. I’ve been to many county offices with low numbers of foster youth because so much of their time is spent preventing placement. In my view, it’s the best approach. When it gets beyond that point, that’s when the “system” should come into play.

Ideally, that means a caring family for the youth to live with while efforts are made for reunification.

The reality has become a bit of a mantra for me; “There aren’t enough damn foster parents!!!”. That’s just the ugly fact. There aren’t nearly enough foster families to care for all these kids.

Foster care is bursting at the seams at present. My friends at The Chronicle for Social Change, did some amazing work and managed to make sense of the foster care population. Both by state and nationally. It’s some of the most impressive work in this area that I’ve seen in years. Daniel Heimpel and his team have really put in the work on this project and I can’t express how much I encourage you to visit, www.fostercarecapacity.com/data/youth-in-care Explore it. Educate yourself. They did such a wonderful job with everything, including the projections on where the numbers are headed. I think they were guardedly optimistic. I expect the numbers will be slightly higher than those projected, but I hope they are right. This isn’t a subject I mind taking a loss on.

The numbers will definitely move upward, whether it be a small amount or what I expect, those numbers are traveling north.

Opioids, the border situation, people living near or below the poverty line, all these factors spell a recipe for disaster. And with those surging numbers comes the need for placement. Now we’re in a quagmire.

As mentioned, the number of available homes is embarrassingly low. Recruitment efforts garner little return. Those homes that exist are at capacity. Kinship care is great if the family is up to the task, but that isn’t always the case. Neglect and abuse can sometimes be a family affair. Generational foster care is something that occurs more often than you would think, making kinship a less viable option.

You’re left with group homes. There was such a nice push for the elimination of group homes when the foster youth coming into care were at more manageable numbers. Group homes are rough, the experiences can be even more rough. Though staff and structure come with best intentions, there is a lot to manage, a lot of room for error.

I’m fortunate enough to talk to thousands of former foster kids about their experiences. I can count on one hand the number of people who told me they had a positive group home experience. One hand. Out of thousands of first-hand accounts. Must have been a reason for the push to eliminate group homes from our go-to housing options.

FULL STOP: I nearly broke my own rule. I don’t speak or write with authority about things I haven’t experienced first hand in this magazine. I didn’t live in a group home. But I know hundreds who have. I’m stopping here. I will have one of those people tell you all about group homes in an upcoming issue. Feels irresponsible to speak ill of something like that. I haven’t been there when the lights go out.

I can speak more on the efforts of recruiting foster parents. It’s the bane of every agency. How do you attract more foster parents? I don’t have the same experience as others do, so I got a few of them to write about it. There’s a great piece in this issue from Amara and Youth Today about how they were able to recruit black foster parents while addressing racial disparity in care. A real issue.

There’s also the route of advertising in this very magazine. You know how many potential foster parents are reading these words? A lot. By the way, you, yes you, the potential foster parent in question; DO IT, you are needed!

Alright, let circle the wagons and figure out where we are in this strange column. Go check out the Chronicle for Social Change’s finished project, it’s tremendous. We need more foster parents and housing options for the next wave of foster youth. Preparedness is going to be key for the next few years. The odds are stacked against foster care. The kids are coming from everywhere, at a quicker pace than it has seen in years.

That seems to bleak of a tone to go into National Adoption Awareness Month with.

Let’s try this. You are doing great work. You are committed to a great purpose. These kids need you. Stay at it. You are making a difference.

That’s better. Enjoy the issue.