A few years back, the foster parent association support group I belonged to felt that we needed to move our monthly meetings to another location. We were meeting each month at our local child welfare agency. Although we appreciated the opportunity to meet there, and for the willingness of the agency to open their doors to us one evening each month for our training sessions and support group, it was decided that we needed to find another location; one that was more warm and inviting to the foster children in our care. After all, the local child welfare agency was a symbol to them that they were in care, and a reminder that they were not with their own families. Following some prayer about it, and discussion with my fellow members of our support group and association, I placed a request in to my church and board of elders, requesting that our local association use the church’s fellowship hall and kitchen facilities for our monthly meetings. The answer I was provided with by the church was one that I did not anticipate.
It seemed that my wife and I, along with the other foster parents in our small town, had touched the hearts of many in our congregation, with our act of helping our community’s children. After discussion in one of the church’s committee, the church granted our request to have our monthly meetings within the walls of the church my wife and I had come to love. What is even more helpful, though, is the additional help that we have been blessed with each month at the meetings. Several members of our church volunteer each month to provide our meetings with a cooked meal and child care. For my wife and I, and the other foster parents in our community, it is almost like going out on a date. Our meal is already cooked and prepared, and we have a reprieve from being foster parent, if only for a short time! For an hour, or so, several adults in the church scurry the children into another part of the church with play time, arts and crafts, and various other enjoyable activities with the children, leaving us uninterrupted while we attend a foster parenting training session, share resources and information, or just sit around a table, laughing and crying together as we share stories. These meetings are ones that both my wife and I look forward to each month, and the members of the support group we belong to are very grateful for this simply, yet tremendous ministry of our church.
Perhaps there is a church in your area that is looking for a way to minister to others. Maybe your own church is seeking ways to reach out to those in need. Hosting a local foster parent association and support group is one such way a church can serve foster parents. Another way is serving as a location for family visitations. Churches can provide a safe, consistent, warm, and inviting atmosphere for children and birth family members to meet during visitation sessions. Indeed, not only can this be a form of outreach for a church, but the message of Christ’s love and forgiveness is also being practiced, as well. Let’s examine what Lisa and her church are doing in Georgia, in Lisa’s own words.
“I am privileged to help coordinate family visitations at our church for children who are in foster care. Every other Saturday our church has volunteers who are church members in place and we set up rooms for children to visit with their birth parents and other family members from 11a.m. to 1p.m. We have space both outside and inside for children and a nursery for little ones. We work with the state’s child welfare system to set up the visits, but also have a close relationship with foster parents so that we can make sure the children can spend time with their birth parents and other relatives. Children get to play, draw, eat, celebrate birthdays and other holidays and just talk and be with their parents for 2 hours. I have noticed that many foster parents have very strong relationships with the birth parents and it is in these situations that trust is built and children can grow and develop well.”
“We have seen many families come and go over the years. Some of the families have reunited but others have not been able to resolve the conflicts in their families. I do believe though that God is working in all these families and that in some small way we are able to provide a safe place for children to be with their families. I recall a case in which a sister and brother would come regularly on Saturdays to be with their grandparents. Every Saturday grandmother would have some kind of board game such as chess for the children to play and granddaddy would talk with them about what they had been doing during the week. The children were always so excited to see them and really did not notice that there was even anyone else in the room because they had some many things to share and talk about. On one Saturday their mother and an aunt also attended the visit and spent time with the children. Eventually the grandparents were given custody of the children and the family was reunited.”
“We thank God for these joys. We do see some sadness where parents just cannot overcome the obstacles in their lives to take care of the children they love on a daily basis, but I do think it helps the children to know on certain Saturdays they can come to our church and be with their families.”
A Generous Heart and Generous Gifts
There are those times when foster parents will require a short term break from their foster child. This break may be the result of foster parents traveling on vacation, a temporary move into a new home, or that the birth children in the foster home require some much needed time with their own parents. This break is often known as respite care. Respite care may also be used simply because some foster parents are trying to prevent burn out, and need a break from their foster child. Other foster parents are often used for respite, as they are officially licensed to look after foster children.
In some parts of the nation, there are those foster care and child welfare agencies that allow others besides foster parents to care for foster children during times of respite. This is a wonderful way for members in a church to reach out, and offer a helping and loving hand. Volunteers would be required to receive training from their local child welfare agency before being able to provide respite care, and a quick phone call to the agency in your area should allow you to find out all the information your volunteers and church members would need in this regard. By providing respite care, your church is not only helping the children in care, but also the foster parents who have custody of them. To be sure, this type of involvement by your church could be a tremendous beacon of compassion and love for all involved. As a foster parent, myself, I can assure you that respite care is often invaluable for both the child and my family in times of need.
There is a lovely couple at my church which has a heart for children in foster care, yet are unable to be foster parents themselves. For years, now, they have watched my wife and I take care of dozens of children, some staying for a few days, while others staying for several months, and even years. This couple has been a blessing to my wife and me each Christmas, as they have taken the mantle upon themselves of being our “foster grandparents.” Each Christmas season, they purchase presents for every foster child that is in our house. This has helped Kelly and I ensure that our children in foster care have an extra special Christmas day. Sadly, far too many children in foster care have never had gifts to open on December 25th. My wife and I try to make it a day that the children both never forget, and one that they are able to escape their pain and suffering and simply revel in being a child. Our “foster grandparents” help us accomplish this. Like our dear friends have done, churches can reach out to the foster parents in their community and “adopt” a child during the holiday season, or other times of the year. This might also include helping out school supplies at the beginning of the school year, birthdays, paying for school field trips and summer camps, and other activities that are special to the child. Indeed, many foster parents simply cannot afford to provide all of the opportunities to their foster child; opportunities that help the child escape from their trauma, and opportunities to heal from their suffering. When church members come together to help the child in such fashion, they are also giving a blessing to the foster parents, as well.
I recently heard from one foster parent who told me that their church was collecting new and gently used suitcases for the foster children in their area. When a child came into care in their community, the church would work alongside the town’s foster parent association, and make sure that each child received a suit case. In fact, there are many such organizations across the United States that provide similar services. When a child comes into care, all too often he comes with a black plastic bag containing the few items in his possession, gathered together quickly by social workers and even law enforcement officers, in a hurry to collect both the child and his possessions in a quick manner. For older children in care, this black plastic bag can be an embarrassing symbol of all that is wrong in their life. Later, when a child in foster care moves, whether it is to a new foster home, an adoption family, or reunited with his birth family, the gift of a new suitcase can be a sign of pride, respect, and love.
Owner/Editor - Chris Chmielewski