A certain well-known greeting card company reminds us each year, as the weather warms up, that we should take time out of our lives to let people
know how much we care. In May & June, we are inundated with reminders to tell our parents how much we appreciate their time, encouragement,
and guidance over the years. We are encouraged to honor our parents and shout from the rooftops how lucky we are to have had their influence
in our lives. We are reminded to tell our parents how much they are appreciated and loved.
The reality is that not all families find these special Sundays filled with flowers, bright sunshine, family picnics, hand-made cards and gifts, and
happy smiles. Not all families have memories of doting mothers who were always there to kiss our boo-boos or of fathers who taught us to throw a
football with the perfect spiral. Not all families have relationships which withstand the test of time. Not all families love unconditionally.
For approximately 400,000 children in the foster care system right now in the United States, memories of family are filled with hurt, disappointment,
fear, and confusion. For about 140,000 of these children, family seems to be an ambiguous term because they are “legal orphans” who are
waiting to be adopted. The Foster Care Alumni Association of America estimates on their website there are approximately 12 MILLION alumni of
the foster care system in our country. For all of these individuals, we must ask “how many of you have spent Mother’s Day and Father’s Day
without your mother or father?”
Sadly, many of these children and adults continue to spend these days without “moms” and “dads” but find themselves alone, wishing for the
images on the commercial in their own lives.
But the pain of these special holidays doesn’t stop there.
Let’s consider the children of these children and alumni. Let us remember that Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is also a day when children get to
spend time with grandparents, developing a generational connection and memories which withstand the test of time.
When someone is a member of the foster care family, as a child, these days can be wrought with a wide variety of emotions, for which there is no
greeting card appropriate. No card will help these children perfectly sum up their feelings. The store card displays do not have the words to
describe their recollections of “family”.
I am one of these children and I have four children of my own, who have no relationship with my family, so I know the pain of Mother’s Day & Father’
s Day all too well. For some reasons beyond my control, and because I do have control over other things (namely, the physical & emotional safety
of my children), my children and I do not celebrate these days with my mom and dad, and that’s always hard. Even though I know its best, it is still
hard because I realize that my family memories are not reminiscent of the images in the sentimental commercials on TV. It hurts to know that my
children will not have those generational connections with my side of their family. It’s difficult to see the commercials of the family picnics and
reunions centered on loving generations all coming together in joy and happiness when we know that it isn’t true for everyone.
Do you feel the same way? Do you wonder where to spend these Sundays in May and June? Do you find yourself feeling lonely instead of loved?
Do you maybe get angry or hurt all over again? Are you still searching for a family of your own with which to celebrate special memories?
If you answered yes, I want you to know that you are not alone! You have a gigantic family of those who love you and care for you and want to lift
you up, kiss your boo-boos, and tell you how incredible you are! Remember, your family is over 12 million strong. You have a future ahead of you
that is full of wonder & promise, opportunities & chances, dreams and accomplishments, goals & plans, and new memories just waiting to be made.
As you are trudging along through this season, just waitin for July to come around, I’d like to encourage you to try to focus on those relationships
that are important to you, here and now. Remember those people who have encouraged you, those who have built you up, and those who have
recognized your potential along the way and tried to push you to do your best. Remember to look around you and try to find at least one person to
whom you can say “thanks” for being there. For us, these days need not to be painful reminders of what we feel we are missing, but rather
reminders to look at all that we do have, or all that we still have the opportunity to find in our lives.
If just changing the direction of your thoughts isn’t enough, and you’re hoping for something a little more “real” and tangible, I have an idea. Plant
a tree or a flowering bush (a perennial is best). You can plant it outside, if you feel personally planted, or in a pot that can go wherever life takes
you. Your plant will be like a living, breathing, growing greeting card to you: one that needs no words – no sappy poems to make it beautiful or
meaningful. It will always remind you there is awesomeness inside just waiting for the right moment to bloom. The new life that springs forth each
year will remind you that the old is gone and there’s always something new around the corner…something beautiful and amazing. It just needs the
right soil, the right nurturing, and the right opportunity to be awesome. Perhaps, this plant will also remind you to establish new roots, new
relationships, new memories.
One day, you can look back on what you’ve planted and you’ll see how much it has changed and you’ll remember how tough this season might
once have been. One day, you’ll recognize how the season has changed and you’ll see how blessed and loved you really are. One day, you’ll
realize that you’re stronger than you may have once believed and you’ll realize the anger and hurt doesn’t quite sting as much.
That will be a good day.
Owner/Editor - Chris Chmielewski