What's In It For Me?

Full disclosure: I’m writing this on the 21st of October, because the distribution system I have used for nearly ten years has failed me for the second time in as many months. Disheartening to say the least. But this is 2020 and these terrible streaks of bad luck are simply the norm. My apologies for the tardiness, a new system is being put in place. On with the show.

Field of Dreams, the Kevin Costner baseball movie, is one of my favorites. Specifically, the scene in which Costner’s character of Ray is in a heated talk with Ray Liotta’s character of “Shoeless” Joe Jackson. In the scene a run of dialogue goes like this: Ray- I’ve done everything you asked. I didn’t understand it, but I did it! And not once did I ask “What’s in for me”. Joe- What are you saying Ray? Ray- I’m saying…What’s in it for me? Joe- Is that why you did it Ray, for you? End scene.

Of course, we know Ray didn’t do any of it for himself. There were bigger forces at play. 

That scene resonated with me as I put together this, the 103rd issue of Foster Focus. It’s been my honor and pleasure to produce this magazine for you. When I left high school, scratch that, when they kicked me out of high school, there, that’s better, I had it in my head that if I ever had anything that looked like a normal life, I’d create a foster care magazine. No way was that proper grammar, but the point is made.

What started off as a pipe dream turned into nearly 10 years and 103 issues to date. 

The places it has taken me. I have driven across this country a half dozen times. Flew across another handful of times. Drove the Pacific Coast Highway a few times. Drove all the way to Seattle from Los Angeles with the ocean by my side. Got a tour of the Comedy Store. The “D” from Run DMC gave me an award and rapped “Tricky” right in my face. I’ve emceed a conference of all former foster kids. Got called “the Godfather of foster care”. Saw Hugh Jackman when the magazine was given the Angels In Adoption wings. I’ve seen the Orphan Train Museum. I’ve seen over a dozen adoptions. Saw one young lady become a member of a family at the age of 25. 

I’ve done jokes for a conference audience. Gave a serious speech in Kansas after I had a sit down with their controversial head of DHS. I was brought to a Nebraska Huskers football game by a dynamite lady named Leigh Esau who created the Foster Care Closet. She makes sure kids have new clothes when they enter care. I’ve become close with Danielle Gletow. She created One Simple Wish. She grants wishes for foster kids across the nation. She’s a CNN Hero. These are just a couple of the impressive friends I’ve made. There was a time when I would hop in my car and see them. 

I also made friends with all the incredible writers who lend their talents to the magazine monthly. I’ve been to Dr. DeGarmo’s house in the middle of the woods in Georgia. I’ve done public speaking and radio with one of the magazine’s Columnists, Rhonda Sciortino. Who just so happens to also be my mentor and has been so from nearly the start of this thing. Another one of my writer friends, Nikki Barthelmess, just had a second book published. I’ll be featuring her work next month. There have been New York Times Bestsellers in the magazine. These cool, impressive, talented people make the magazine what it is. How lucky have I been? 

I’ll show you how lucky I’ve been. I’ve had the cool task of interviewing nearly a dozen celebrities. My work has been featured on ESPN’s website. A picture I took ended up in the Washington Post. All of this from an idea I had while I carried the contents of my locker in a trash bag. I’ve plucked my favorite articles for this issue. The 103rd. Not the 100th. Would be cooler if it were the 100th but I’ve been preoccupied. 

Here’s where the Field of Dreams stuff comes into play. All these years, all these experiences, all these trips, I never asked what’s in it for me. I nickel and dimed my way through it all. 

I had to cut print down to just 4 times a year and I’m struggling with that, so you know it’s expensive. 

Money has never been important to me. The only motivation to make it is to provide for my family. This thing isn’t a money maker. I knew that going in. Didn’t bother me. Tell you who it does bother; my wonderful wife, Trisha. She’d like to not have to work over fifty hours a week at her two jobs. I too would love for her to not have to work so much. The kids like her more than me anyway. 

I didn’t do this for me. Well, kind of. You see, I made myself a promise to make this magazine on the day they kicked me out of school. I’ve said it before; I didn’t think this would ever happen. I didn’t think I would get it off the ground. Didn’t think it would be accepted and supported by some of the biggest groups in the world of foster care. I didn’t think that the content in my idea turned reality publication would be taught in major universities. 

I’ve been so charmed to get to meet all these wonderful people. To be given awards. To have seen the things I’ve seen and do the things I’ve done. I haven’t, however, been charmed with the gift of selling ads, generating an income or even making a living from this fantastic thing that’s given me everything but money. 

So, here in the pages of the 103rd issue, I take a moment to be serious and also answer the question; Why celebrate the 103rd issue and not the 100th? First, the question. Yeah, I wanted to celebrate the 100th, but it flew right passed me while I was tending to my health issues. Would have been cool though, huh?

Now the serious. Guys, I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. I have to get a real job. I’ve been getting my ass kicked, money wise, for the last few years. Even when I was the top car salesperson at the dealership whose employment helped me start this thing, I never made a lot of money. I was happy to just get by. I have a family needs provided for. Kids that want to go to college. That being said, this may be the last year of Foster Focus. Unless I figure something out, that’s the only way it can play out. 

But don’t be sad! I’m not. I poured all of me into this thing and it gave me some of the most tremendous days of my life. We did it. It was an idea. It was a dream. It has exceeded every expectation I could have had, short of money. 

I’m not going to ask what’s in it for me. I didn’t do it for me. And it’s been one hell of a ride.    

That would have been a cool place to end this, but I nearly forgot to thank you all. Without you I’d still be selling cars and I would have missed out on all the cool experiences and tremendous folks I’ve met. So, thanks for subscribing. Thanks for being cool when life gets in the way of the schedule. Thanks for not asking for your money back when the print schedule gets pushed back for lack of funds. Thanks for letting me rant in these Editor’s Notes. Thanks for being here for all this. And thanks for believing in my idea. 

Just, thanks.