Summer Recap

An overnight stay in my car. Speeches in front of hundreds of kids. Layovers.  Listening to Alumni success stories. Seedy hotel rooms. Lending my voice at the request of foster care professionals. Rental cars. Meeting the people who shape foster care, face to face. Another layover. Pitching in on a book about trauma. Jet lag. Joining care superstars on their national tours. Another gas station dinner I eat in the car. Handing out framed articles to Foster Focus Columnists in Baltimore and Columbus. Stupid layovers. Being among the decision makers of Foster Care. Where’s my bed? Talk to the stars of the HIT ABC Family show “The Fosters”. ANOTHER LAYOVER?!

This is the summer of a foster care magazine editor. This is my summer these days.

It may sound like a lot to take on. I assure you, I am loving every minute of it

My summer starts in May, long before my three kids even get the smell of theirs. My wife and I sit down with a pen, a pad, a map, the laptop and most importantly; the calendar. What follows is a flurry of activity, replies of yes or no, booked flights or gas estimates, car appointments, dry cleaner pick-ups and the onset of stress related madness.

I do my best to get to every event, say yes to every request for me to speak and invitations to be among the people who make foster care function. This isn’t always possible, but I do my best to make sure no one feels slighted. There was a time when the only occasions you’d find me speaking to a crowd, was at the request of people I knew in care, with a bit of a fight. Now I enjoy it. Panels, guest speaker, breakout sessions or keynotes, I dig it.

It took me a while to understand why in the world anyone would want my opinion on anything. Now that I understand what I add to the foster care system, I find I’m much more comfortable in my new role, moving from the back to the front of the room.

It wasn’t an easy transition to make but my mantra is “I’ve been through worse.”

So back to the planning stages for a summer criss-crossing the country under the flag of gaining as much foster care information as I can.

This is a really agonizing process for me, for my wife, not so much. You see, as easy as it is for me to look at a blank computer screen and turn it into a quality magazine; I’m equally HORRIBLE at planning even the simplest day trip. Don’t ask me why, maybe I’m missing whatever lobe of the brain handles trip planning. That’s where the mother of my children comes into play.

My wife is a phenom when it comes to this stuff. Eight different hotel reservations in five different towns in 2 states? No sweat. Rental cars? Handled like she interned for Hertz. Flights? Done, buh-bye. Need a dry cleaner in a strange place? You have Siri, I have Trisha.

She gets it. I don’t, but she does.

In the film “Rocky”, Sylvester Stallone (foster care alum) explains his relationship that his character Rocky has with the character Adrienne, “I got gaps, she’s got gaps. Together we fill gaps.” That’s what it’s like with my wife and me. Where I fall short, she excels and vice versa.

Many, many hours later I am all set. A 4 month itinerary with room for mag work and flexibility should something come up that needs my attention. A quarter of the year mapped out for me. Four months to get to as many places as possible and meet as many change makers of foster care as is humanly possible.

I did a lot this summer, so much that I can’t fathom how to turn it all into a readable article that you’d enjoy reading. My solution? “Tales from the Crypt”!

That makes no sense to you unless you are familiar with me and my style. It all comes back to TV and movies with me. Write what you know.

Back in the day when the series “Tales from the Crypt” was on HBO, they’d present it in little fifteen minute vignettes, short movies. It kept the viewers’ attention and the style stayed true to its comic book roots.

I’m going to present my summer in the same fashion. Short snapshots of the places I’ve been and the things I’ve seen since May, Foster Care Month.  So sit back and enjoy a recap of my fantastic voyage.

City of Brotherly Love

Last summer I had the privilege of being included in a think tank that turned into a planning committee that turned into the Penn University National Summit on Youth Aging Out of Foster Care. Held on the campus of Penn University in Philadelphia, the Summit hosted foster care professionals from all across the nation.

There were panels covering the various obstacles foster youth face when aging out of care. Representatives from the Penn University School of Social Work, FosterClub, FCAA, Jim Casey Foundation, Annie E. Casey Foundation, Fostering Media Connections and many other organizations were on hand to lend their expertise.

I was fortunate enough to speak on a panel about money and the aging out youth. I found the discussion very enlightening, I was able to offer my opinion and personal experiences to people who would go back to their jobs and apply all they heard from the many professionals that spoke.

A great precursor for the summer to come. It’s always great to see so many people come together in search of better outcomes for today’s foster youth. I knew I was in for an amazing summer of interacting with people who see helping foster youth as their purpose. Next stop, New Jersey.

How it went: The conference went off without a hitch. All the subjects that the think tank wanted to see addressed were covered. The attendees seemed to have really enjoyed the experience. Overall I would have to say that Johanna Greeson and the rest of her Penn University team did an incredible job.

One Simple Wish

Each year my good friend Danielle Gletow, Founder of One Simple Wish, a non-profit from NJ that specializes in granting the wishes of foster youth throughout the country, hops in an RV and goes on a nationwide tour to grant wishes.

That’s who I chose to kick off my summer with for a bunch of reasons, but one specifically; Enthusiasm. Danielle loves what she does, so much so that it’s infectious. The woman permeates joy when it comes to the kids.

Unlike previous tours, Danielle had an over-riding goal in mind for this tour. She wanted to grant the biggest wish these kids had. They wanted a family. Breaks your heart just to read those words, doesn’t it? Imagine hearing those words from the mouths of babes. That’s Danielle’s job!

Now you understand why she revels in being able to grant some of the simpler request these kids have. Being adopted is a lofty goal. Danielle hoped that the attention that OSW has garnered (Katie Couric, CNN, and NBC Nightly News) would help shine light on these deserving kids.

So off to Trenton, NJ I went to wish them well and help send them off.

There was an event in place at a local YMCA where kids waited with excitement for what was to occur. Games, food, some crafts and activities were all going on when I entered. I was greeted, as always, by Danielle’s husband Joe and her two lovely daughters, both first graders this year. OSW and FF began around the same time, we became fast friends, as a matter of fact, the Washington Post ran a picture I took of OSW’s very first tour which was coincidentally the first time I met Danielle. The fact that she’s a mere 2 hour plus drive from me is a nice bonus.

After partaking in some activities, munching on some snacks (I love free food!)  and a brief tour of the RV that Danielle and her crew would call home for the next few months, I sat down for the real reason I was there, the kid testimonials.

You can view all the videos at www.OSW.com Watching a young man talk about his love of theater, how he has 10 years spent in care and his desire to find a family. I was moved. How moved? I started filling out the foster parent application that’s been sitting on my desk for over a year.I left Danielle after the customary Bon Voyage feeling energized for the rest of my summer.

How it went: The tour was a great success. Kids all over the country had their wishes granted and a bright light shined on their need for permanency. The tour ended in RI at HASBRO, where even Mr. Potatohead made an appearance.

Walking for Foster Care and FCAA

As a National Board Member for Foster Care Alumni of America (FCAA) I try to attend as many state chapter events as possible. FCAA Pennsylvania has a special place in my heart as I was one of the original founders. Constance Krebs and Barbara Huggins have done a tremendous job steering the chapter in the right direction.

During Foster Care Month, FCAA decided to have a virtual as well as physical walks across the country to raise funds for FCAA and raise awareness for foster care. People in Washington, California, Michigan, Virginia and Pennsylvania among others gathered with their track shoes on to walk for foster youth.

Once again, all chapters stepped up to create memorable walks for their members. PA, led by Constance and Barbara, along with their strong team prepared a great walk at a scenic park outside of Philadelphia.

Political figures, alumni, social workers and some foster youth took to the trails.

How it went: FCAA managed to raise quite a bit of money for the cause. All participants reported having a wonderful time. As an added bonus, top fundraisers received a one year subscription to Foster Focus. The event was so successful; plans are in the works to make it an annual affair.

Chris Chmielewski, Consultant!

One of the best relationships I’ve developed during the magazine’s life has been the one with Cenpatico, more directly Tracy Rawls, Cenpatico’s Vice President of National Foster Care. You read her monthly column earlier in this issue.

I met Tracy at one of the many conferences I’ve attended. We hit it off right away. She’s beyond personable and smart, but moreover she’s a foster mom who gets what Foster Focus is all about.

I meet a lot of folks with agendas or a goal in mind, a focus, an unfaltering stance. Not a thing wrong with that, but the purpose of Foster Focus isn’t to push agendas, it’s meant to be an unbiased look at care. I give you the facts; you come to your own conclusion.

Tracy and Cenpatico have no hang ups, no agenda; they want a foster care system that ensures the safety and mental well-being of the kids it cares for. I like that. How much? When I was asked to serve as a consultant on an upcoming book focused on the trauma of care I jumped at the chance.

There isn’t a lot of free time to devote to anything but my family and the magazine in my life, but when you tell me that a bunch of incredibly smart people are going to be in a room to create another way to inform folks about the traumas of care, I find the time. And off to Austin, TX I went.

How it went: I don’t want to tell you too much about this book just yet, it’s in its infancy, but I can say that the team that Cenpatico put together (which includes National Foster Parent Association President Irene Clements) is beyond impressive. I may be the weak link! A lot of books are sent to me but this one has the feel of a game changer.

I’m going, going, back, back to Cali, Cali.

California is home to the nation’s most populated foster care system. Outside of DC, it’s the epicenter.

A huge bonus for me is it also is the home of one of the cousins I was closest to as a child. Becky and I were pretty inseparable until she cast off with the Navy to see the world. She ended up in Northern California where I was fortunate enough to be invited to speak to a group of teens on the campus of UC Merced.

This particular trip was wrought with all the Planes, Trains and Automobiles shenanigans you could possibly imagine. I should have known I was in for a rough one when I ran into my first real traffic jam since I started the magazine. I’ve been slowed a bit in the past but never shut down, crawl traffic. That streak ended just outside the Philadelphia Airport roughly an hour before I was set to take off.

That led to a missed flight, a night struggling to sleep in my car and another missed flight, cancelled while on the runway for an hour after the first lightning storm of the summer. But I landed in San Francisco on a sunny Wednesday afternoon, only a few days after I was originally to arrive. 

That’s the fun of travelling, right?

The dread of the journey vanished when I saw the smiling faces of my cousin and her terrific family. After a far too short dinner I was headed away from San Francisco’s foggy highways and into the more rural areas of California.

The best part of what I do is the people I make friends with. Such is the case with the charismatic Kevin Bristow. Kevin runs the Guardian Scholars program at UC Merced, more importantly Kevin is a very close friend of mine and the person who asked me to come speak to the kids from care who he’d invited to experience college life for a few days.

Kevin, like me, spent time in foster care. And like me, Kevin found the way out of the despair of foster care was through hard work and a positive attitude. We have been friends for several years via Facebook and even met last year during a west coast trip I was on. Through frequent interactions, we have grown pretty close to one another. I enjoy his successes and he supports the magazine more than most people I know. When
he asked me to come speak, I was more than happy to make the trip. A few inconvenient travel hiccups weren’t going to dampen my enthusiasm when I finally got to see him.

Kevin and the UC Merced at the Bright Success Center staff led by Hector Sambolin the Associate Director of the center had quite a two day itinerary planned for the lucky foster youth who were brought to the spacious campus.

In addition to spending a night in college housing, the kids got to walk the grounds while learning what to expect should they choose college as a path. They also heard from alumni dynamo Sokhom Mao. Sokhom is a young man from Oakland who is the Vice President of the California Youth Connections and has political aspirations. He spoke to the kids about his experiences in care. Like everywhere else Sokhom speaks, he was an instant hit at UC Merced.

My time to speak came on day two. I still get nervous when I speak, though speaking to kids is a lot easier than speaking to a room full of professionals. Kids in care really just want to know they have a future. They want to hear that things will turn out okay for them. I know this because I was that kid.

When I spoke, I spoke of hard work. I spoke about how taking shortcuts almost never ends well. I wrapped everything up by going over the long list of well-known foster care alumni that have garnered public attention. Kids respond to fame, so I gave them the list of famous foster kids. I left feeling like maybe a few of them found the hope for the normal life will be normal that they’d been looking for.

How it went: Travel woes always stink but the looks on those kids’ faces and the time spent with family and a friend who lives too far away made it all worth it. I hope that UC Merced will host foster youth on campus again. Speaking with the kids I found that they didn’t think college was an option until they stepped onto the quad. I also hope that I get to return to the campus if for no other reason than to see my good friend Kevin.

The Fastest Mouth in Foster Care & the Fastest Man in the NFL

For the last several years the folks at Cenpatico have invited me to speak on a panel during the National Urban League Conference. Cenpatico sponsors the Youth Leadership portion of the event. I have been lucky enough to visit the campuses of Tulane, Temple and this year Xavier University in Cincinnati, Ohio.

The crowd is a mix of young men and women from across the nation. Some come from foster care though the bulk are just very bright kids from normal backgrounds. They are there because they’ve shown extraordinary leadership skills. I’m there because I want them to be ready for what comes next.

My failings after aging out are well documented. Homelessness, poor choices, mistakes along the way and ultimately figuring it all out. If I can help a few kids skip the part where they have to sleep on the street, I will gladly overcome my public speaking nerves.

The panel is always impressive. A doctor who was featured by Oprah, a Clinical Therapist with credentials a mile long, a White House staffer, and somehow I wiggled my way on stage and this time around the special guest was Darrel Green, the NFL’s fastest man and a Hall of Famer.

After Cenpatico’s CEO Dr. Samuel Donaldson addressed the crowd, the panel spoke to the issues that kids faced in order to keep healthy minds and bodies. Following the hour long discussion the panelists and kids moved to breakout sessions. I spent my time with the kids talking about the essentials of life after 18.

I spent some time speaking with each of the panelists, trying not to act like the goofy kid who had Darrel Green’s poster on his wall before I headed back on the road for the next destination.

How it went: The National Urban League and Cenpatico are always very nice to me. It’s an honor to be asked to return each year. Meeting Darrel Green was obviously a huge bonus. In my breakout session, the kids and I got a chance to watch the Xavier Men’s basketball team practice from a skybox. The kids seemed to enjoy the panel. These kids are some of the brightest I get to meet, they are sure to have great impacts on society.

Together We Rise/Threads for Teens Tour

I ate A LOT of cheesesteaks this summer. I’m from Pennsylvania; it’s like the state food or something! The best cheesesteak I had all summer had nothing to do with the sandwich, it was all about the company.

Danny Mendoza started Together We Rise, a nonprofit specializing in getting foster kids bikes and backpacks to keep them from the indignity of a garbage bag. I’ve known Danny for about as long as I’ve had the magazine. He’s good people. He’s always looking for a way to help kids in care. I’m a fan.

When he told me that through the help of New Era he was touring the country bringing hats and t-shirts to foster kids along with Emily from Threads for Teens, I counted down the days until they arrived in Philadelphia.

Once again traffic slowed me down as I tried to catch the joy in the kids’ faces as they received their new gear. I did manage to see the last few grab their hats. I helped the crew clean up after the event. When we finished packing the trailers for the next leg of the trip, we headed to the famous Geno’s/Pat’s cheesesteak corner.

A rainy visit to the city was salvaged by that delicious Cheez Whiz.

How it went: The tour was a huge success. Hundreds of foster kids are walking around with some new clothes thanks to the big hearts of Danny, TWR and Emily and Threads for Teens. I’d drive three hours to break bread with Danny and his team anytime they ask.

Nobody on the Road, Nobody on the Beach

Before I knew it, summer was gone.

I’d criss-crossed the East Coast. I’d catapulted across Middle America on my way to the West Coast. I slept in my car. Ate in my car. Kept up with my kids on the phone from my car. I pretty much lived in that tough little car. Poor little guy spent the last week of August and most of September in the shop, recuperating, I guess.

I spoke to a few hundred kids. I rubbed shoulders with the best minds foster care has to offer. Challenged my boyhood hero to a footrace I was sure he would win, even at age 50. Saw friends and family whose faces I see too infrequently and spread awareness about foster care.

How it went: Awesome. Wonder what next summer will bring.