Ever had rose petals thrown at your feet? No, me neither, but I felt as though I came close a couple of times.
Becoming a foster parent and adopting a child from foster care are two of the things in my life that made me feel like I was really, REALLY appreciated!
Beyond those two things, when a family comes in contact with their state’s child welfare agency, appreciation best NOT be what you’re looking for. In fact, unless you are wanting to do something FOR your state’s child welfare agency, you can expect to be treated consistently with disrespect and belittlement.
NO rose petals.
No criminal record? Never abused or neglected a child in your life? No problem! If you GO TO your state’s child welfare agency looking for help, you too can be treated just the way they treat a street-drug-addicted felon.
Some parents did not have the good fortune of being raised themselves by functional, emotionally stable, loving parents. And yet, as Mother Nature would have it, they become parents themselves one day and they have no template of good, healthy parenting to draw from when parenting their own children. They may have mental health issues which could lead them to use or abuse, or to have addictions to, any number of different substances or lifestyle choices. When drugs, food, sex, gambling, etc. become unhealthy habits, it’s usually because these vices—whichever ones they be, are subconsciously being used as a form of self-medication--as a way to soothe the user, to comfort them, and to make it seem as though their life is more bearable. When parents who were not well parented themselves, find that they too are now parents, and they are self-medicating a LOT, well, this is when these families become ripe for child neglect, abuse and abandonment. When children are in a home where addictions run rampant, children naturally fall down the list of priorities. It’s common sense, really, isn’t it? Tragically, many of the children born to parents meeting this description will eventually end up in the “care” of their state’s child welfare agency. When I use the word “tragically,” please don’t misunderstand me—it’s tragic when a child—ANY child is neglected, abused or abandoned; it’s tragic when child welfare agencies have to get involved; it MAY be a tragedy, or a blessing (to that child) when a child is removed from their biological parents, depending on a wide array of circumstances. It’s also entirely possible that an employee of a state’s child welfare agency could simply follow procedures and end up causing massive suffering. Often times, services that are supposed to be government funded are not accessed and instead of helping to keep families together, they are all too often torn apart.
What happens when very well intentioned parents who were some of the lucky ones--raised by good, functional parents decide that they want to adopt?
There is a little known, very quiet crisis happening in this country. Families are adopting children and are learning eventually that the child or children they have adopted are severely mentally ill. These sick children are this way possibly because they were born like that and inherited their condition through genetics. More likely however, the mental illness, or emotional disturbance that the adopted child suffers from is the result of early childhood trauma and/or the lack of a healthy, secure bond with any other human being prior to being placed in their adoptive home.
Certainly, children raised in their biological families can and do have invisible, less evident health needs. Children raised in adoptive families are many times more likely to be diagnosed with a serious, invisible, mental health concern. According to the NIH (National Institute of Health), a 2011 study states that up to 45% of adoptees have one or more moderate to severe health conditions. (Personally, I’d bet an arm the number is MUCH higher.)
Parents waiting to adopt are required to take 14 hours of core training in some states, but 30 hours are required in others. International adoptions require just 10 hours of core training. Additional training on the needs of children with serious, invisible, mental health concerns are often times available, but not required. The vast majority of adoptive parents are NOT psychiatrists, psychologists, mental health counselors, pediatricians, or child behavior specialists. They are regular people with BIG hearts and a lot of love to give. When it comes to serious, invisible mental health concerns, very often, love and patience are NOT enough!
Owner/Editor - Chris Chmielewski