My Life On The Road

Hotel life isn’t nearly as bad as you would think it is.

It seems shabby, car to room, room to car, what kind of life is that? My kind of life!

I fell into this hotel life in my twenties. An unemployed father of one, I took temp work with a local employment agency. One of my assignments was as a greeter for a sale at a car dealership a town away. The dealership had hired a liquidation company, these are the folks who come into a dealership whose sales have been lagging. They put on a show. Music, balloons, big inflatable monkeys, the works. My job was to be greeting potential customers who had been sent a flyer with a code to be a potential grand prize of some kind. The not so big secret was that all the codes were the same and no one was going to win the grand prize. Oh, a mailer with the code is out there somewhere but it wasn’t sent to a working address or an address ANYWHERE within the dealerships area. People know this, they pretend to get mad anyway but I’m sure I’ll get to that.

These liquidation companies only stay for a week, two weeks at best, then they are off to a new sale in a new town. I enjoyed my time with them and they seemed to enjoy their time with me. I said goodbye to each of them, expecting to never see them again. Fast forward two months and twenty meaningless, thankless temp gigs and I was summoned back to the same dealership for another sale.

The job, as I saw it, was to loosen up very anxious, cautious and soon to be disappointed prize seeker/potential customer. I would take down their basic information while telling jokes to bust through the tough shell everyone has at a car lot. I’d gage their need for a vehicle and determine whether this person coming in for a $5 dollar WalMart card could be swayed into looking at cars. Most of the time it wasn’t too hard. Sometimes they would cuss at me for being a scam artist. Other times they would play along like they thought they had a chance to win. The bulk of the people I met were older, bored folks who just took advantage of the card as a way to get some social contact. I was happy to oblige.

Look at your hand for a second. (Go ahead and do it, no one is watching!) You’ll find you have four fingers and a thumb, if you are missing any of these extremeties, I apologize for my inconsideration. If you’ve got all those digits, open your hand. I have come to the conclusion that there are 5 types of people, easily illustrated by your hand.
1 The Pinky
Though small in stature, the pinky is intergral in making all things work. Diminutive, they may be boisterous to compensate for size. Or they may be overly adorable, to tug on the heartstrings of the person in front of them. The pinky person can go either way; mean as hell or sweet as a button.

2 The Ring Finger
The ring finger needs their significant other in order to live. On a car lot they won’t make a decision without the other. In life, it’s much of the same. You know the ring finger, he/she is the one who has to check in to do anything. He/she couldn’t imagine making any moves without the other. The ring finger is a pleasant person to deal with…unless the ring is someone they don’t particularly like anymore.

3 The Middle Finger
The middle finger person hates you, life and anything to do with either. The middle person just hates you.

4 The Pointer/Index finger
The pointer/index finger knows what he/she wants and isn’t afraid to tell you so. They are direct. They know EVERYTHING. No sense in arguing. They are stubborn and to the point. You come real with a pointer/index personality type and you should be fine.

5 The Thumb
Have you been taking away a finger after each description? Come on, play along. Right now you should look like the Fonz or Elaine from Seinfeld getting ready to dance. Pleasant isn’t it? The thumb is a pleasant personality type. It knows it’s worth but doesn’t make a big deal about it. It/he/she has a quiet confidence about them. They will treat you as well as you treat them.

That last one, the thumb, that’s always the best experience. Always the one you treat a little bit better because you know you’ll get it back. That’s the person you’ll treat the best.

That’s how I treat everyone; like a thumb. Weird, huh? Maybe, but it’s worked for me. By treating everyone like we’re about to have the greatest experience ever, I have managed to endear myself to people. I find I’m treated very well when I treat others very well. Less drama, less conflict; I’ve gotten too old for both.

Because of that particular mindset I was asked to join the liquidation team on the road. I was going to bounce around the country with them. It was such a cool feeling to be asked to join them. I said yes before they finished the offer. Thus began my hotel life.

The first few times away from home were a little jarring. You’d think this would be an easy task for someone accustomed to having to adapt to new surroundings but it was just as difficult for me as it would have been for anyone to adjust.

I’m not going to bore you with stories of forgotten belts or missing room keys, I’m kind of a travel pro now, those stories are more embarrassing than they are helpful. I will share with you the things I learned about myself while living life out of a suitcase.

First, it turns out that I have a touch of claustrophobia to go along with all the other mental issues I have. I need a room that opens up to the parking lot. I tell people it’s because I was in a fancy Philadelphia hotel way up on the gazillionth floor when a fire alarm went off. I made the conscious decision to not try and run the gamut to get outside. That would seal it for anyone. The truth is, part of that fire played a hand, but the crux of the reason is I just need constant fresh air. It’s the reason I don’t enjoy plane rides.

Next, I found that I am a bit of a cheapskate when it comes to motels. I don’t like to pay more than fifty dollars for a room. What do I need really? A TV, bed and a bathroom (in that order) is all I really require. Who wants to pay $120 a night for that? Not this guy. I like a room with a chalk outline of the last tenant on the floor! That’s my kind of place. If there is wifi, well, that’s just a bonus.

Lastly, I found that I have made a home for myself. It’s where my family is. It’s where my happiness lives. Hotel life isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be. It doesn’t compare to sleeping in your own bed and waking up to the faces who love you, but it isn’t that bad. I’ll keep doing both for as long as it takes for everyone in the country to know the name Foster Focus.

Now for a little housekeeping.

This Fall you are going to see some changes to the magazine. Again. Change is good. Change is growth. It’s time Foster Focus grows a little.

The first notable change will be the end of the road for the Road To Home column. Fall is a busy time at the Dave Thomas Foundation and CEO Rita Soronen needs to be front and center for everything that happens. While she’ll be missed, she will check in every now and again with a feature article with a focus on adoption from foster care. I’ve made no secret of my gratitude for Rita and DTFA and that won’t change as she transitions from Columnist to Contributor. DTFA has been a fantastic addition to the Foster Focus family, one I hope to see continue until the wheels come off this thing.

The other big change will be more advertisements. I’ve done my best to keep the ads to a minimum but with the growing circulation comes a growing print bill. Somebody’s got to pay for it and I know that the readers of this magazine are of the give before receiving variety so I will do everything to keep the print price the same. It’s the least I can do (no really, I checked, it’s the very least I can do). Jokes aside, I want the mag to be accessible. Heck, if I get enough advertisers, I may just give the magazine away for free…probably not, but I will lower the price a lot. Honesty is kind of my thing, no sense in telling you something I’m not sure I can pull off.

I think that’s good for this month. Next month I’ll tell you all about my trip to the Orphan Train museum in Concordia, Kansas and the FFTA conference in Denver, Colorado. I had a busy month and I’ll catch you up on all the foster care related things I did that kept me on the run all month.

Enjoy the issue, it’s a great one.

See you in the Fall!