Keeping Kids Off The Streets

Traffickers tell kids what they want to hear.

When a guy says to a girl who’s been neglected, mistreated, or used for someone else’s selfish pleasure, “You’re beautiful,” she’s starving to hear it, so she absorbs it. She has no value inside, so the one who comes along and provides external value owns whatever self esteem she has. The one who says, “you’re beautiful,” or “you’re mine,” holds power over her. As he continues to build her self-esteem, the tie between the two grows stronger so that he can eventually control her totally because without him, she goes back to being nothing. Once a guy owns the girl’s worth and value, she will go along with whatever the keeper of her fragile self-image wants her to do.

Many of the kids who are trafficked have never felt anything other than worthless, so they don’t have a good experience with which to compare their circumstances. Those who come from dysfunctional families have often seen members of their family trade sex for a place to stay or for drugs. Many have lived in places where meth is the only thing being cooked in the kitchen. They’ve been eyewitnesses to violence, and sometimes they’ve been the victims of that violence. So for them, selling themselves isn’t that abnormal. And the sense of belonging they feel as a part of the “family,” albeit perverted, is the closest they have to a genuine sense of belonging.

So, what can we do to PREVENT TRAFFICKING?

If we tell kids they’re “awesome,” we can build them up, but if we aren’t specific about our compliments, we run the risk of becoming the keepers of their self-esteem. While this is better than a person with nefarious intent controlling them by providing a sense of worth and value, it’s still not the ideal solution. Their worth and value is still being provided by, and in control of, someone other than themselves. When we are the providers of their worth and value, and we become disconnected from the kid for whatever reason, the kid loses yet another relationship, and a big chunk of their self-esteem with it. No one person can ever keep someone else “fixed” forever.

The answer lies in helping kids value themselves. We can do this by pointing out the good things about them—their character traits, their skills, their abilities, and their positive coping mechanisms—all the “assets” that helped them survive all that they’ve been through. They may be exceptionally good at reading facial expressions to determine whether they’re in danger or relatively safe. They may be courageous enough to run toward conflict, rather than away from it, to help a younger sibling. They may be resourceful enough to hide what’s going on from friends, neighbors, and teachers. There are myriad skills, abilities, characteristics, and coping mechanisms that survivors of abuse acquire without even being aware of it.

When we give victims of abuse this new way to see themselves, we arm them with ability to develop resiliency for any adversity they face in the future. By helping them see that they are strong, resourceful, and adaptable, and so much more, and that those characteristics are exceptionally valuable and highly transferrable, we’re giving them the foundation for building their own sustainable, self-esteem, as well as giving them the tools they need to succeed.

Everyone can benefit from identifying and celebrating their skills, positive character traits, and healthy coping mechanisms. Millions of people fail to reach their full potential because they’re held back by a self-view that tells them they’re not good enough, smart enough, educated enough, and so on. As a result, they settle for less than the life they’re capable of enjoying. The good news is that we can build our own genuine, sustainable, self worth by mining the assets out of what we’ve been through, and intentionally applying those valuable assets in our lives to create personal and professional success. That is what the new book, Successful Survivors—the 8 character traits of survivors and how you can attain them, aims to do.

Successful Survivors highlights the 8 character traits common to those who have survived trauma and gone on to thrive afterward. The stories of survivors of various kinds of traumas illustrate the various character traits, followed by tips at the end of every chapter on how to develop that trait. Readers will see the characteristics in their own lives, and learn for themselves how truly awesome they are. And when that happens, they are in control of their worth and value.

When we value ourselves, we make better choices. When we make better choices, we get better results. And when we get better results, we live of a life of continuous growth and achievement. And when we value ourselves, we are better able to recognize the assets of others. And when we point out the good in the people around us, we help others to value themselves and make them less vulnerable to traffickers.