Sadly, many children in foster care come from homes where violence reigned. Profanity, abuse, and harsh words filled the air that surrounded a child. Additionally, where love was to be a child’s cornerstone, there was neglect instead, as the basic needs of the child were not met, and where the emotion of love was instead substituted with just the opposite. As a result, it is important that Foster Fathers, or Foster Dads, treat all others with the upmost respect, kindness, and love.
This may be especially true with how a foster dad treats a woman. Too many foster children come from homes and environments where the male in the household treated the female, or mother, in an abusive manner. For these children in foster care, the hostile and negative treatment of the male figure towards others may be their norm. Therefore, foster fathers need to break this image and stereotype. To begin with, foster fathers need to remember that they are a role model for the child, and that they are never to lash out in anger towards the child, their wife, or anyone else. Foster fathers should take time to teach the child how to control their anger and their emotions. Foster dads also need to ensure that they treat their partner, or foster mother, with the upmost respect. Kindness, love, and gentleness must be the regular pattern from the foster father towards his wife. It is essential for the foster child’s well being and future social skills he watch his foster father treat not only the foster mother with respect and love, but treat all girls and women with these values, as well. After all, this may be the first time the child sees a father figure treat others of the opposite sex with such integrity and decency.
Foster fathers also need to teach his foster child the importance of playing fair. Whether in a game or at home, one of the responsibilities of a strong and positive foster father is to show the child how to win and loose with grace. Strong foster dads will also teach their foster child the importance of treating others with fairness and integrity at school, in the business world, and in all areas of life. Along with this, a strong foster father is one who will demonstrate the importance of making good decisions. Foster children need to learn how to make sound and thought out choices as well as to consider all possible consequences of their actions. For many children in foster care, this will be a completely foreign concept to them, yet it is one they must learn if there is to be hope for their future. Foster dads can also teach the foster children in their home that it is okay to take calculated risks from time to time. Strong foster dads are those that teach their foster children the importance of honesty, and how to apologize and say those simple words that they may never have heard in their own home, “I’m sorry.” Finally, good foster fathers are those that model paying and accepting compliments, and teach their foster child this important lesson, as well.
Work Ethic
Many times, children in foster care have never been taught the value or importance of a good and honest work ethic. It may fall upon the foster father to share this value with the child.
Children in foster care can take place in the attending to the responsibilities of household chores with the other children in the house. Positive foster dads help to delegate responsibilities in the home. Along with this, foster dads need to teach the importance of dependability to a foster child, though this may be a most difficult and challenging task. Nevertheless, this is an important trait for all children to learn, and good foster dads do not give up on a foster child in this, as he continues to try to teach the child that the family is depending upon him. This not only teaches the importance of working together as a team, as well as taking part in keeping a clean house, it also helps to show the child that he is an important member of the household, just as important as the birth children who might live there. Some children in foster care may have come from a home where he was shamed and bullied so often, that there is no sense of personal pride inside the child in need. Foster fathers need to recognize this, and attempt to help the child gain a sense of pride in his performance, whether in the home or at school
As mentioned before, a foster father may be the first positive and loving role model and father figure the child has ever had. As a result, it is most essential that foster dads spend individual time with the child, if possible. Keep in mind, though, that it is vital that you, as a foster parent, are never left alone with a foster child who has been abused in any way. This will help to protect yourself from any false accusations that might be made. Trips to museums, parks, and movie theatres can be healthy ways to spend time with your foster child. Reading books and bedtime stories are also enjoyable opportunities to share time. Making cookies, having picnics, and simply taking a walk around the neighborhood are also great ways for a foster dad to form a positive relationship with the child. By learning the child’s interests, hobbies, hopes, fears, and concerns, the child not only feels valued and important, but a level of trust is also developed. Foster dads need to also ensure that the child not only spends time with the family, but that the child is included in his new foster family, as well. Far too many foster children try to exclude themselves from their foster families, which only brings about more emotional turmoil and sadness for the child. Therefore, it is necessary that foster fathers strive to encourage the child to join in with the family and their activities, and find ways for the child to participate in all the family does
Another important role of a foster father is that of teaching the child of the dangers drugs and alcohol. Chances are that your foster child has been exposed to both in some fashion. Along with this, the chances are also high that your foster child will drink alcohol when older. Not only must a foster father warn of the dangers of drugs and alcohol, foster dads need to teach a child teach the importance of drinking in moderation and responsibility later in life.
The importance of partnership
Being a foster parent is a difficult task; perhaps one of the hardest things you will ever do. The hours are long, the emotional toils are burdensome, the housework never ends, and the point of complete exhaustion seems to always be around the next corner. Strong foster fathers appreciate this, and recognize that if his family is to remain intact, healthy, and strong, he must take steps to see that his own wife/partner has not reached that stage of exhaustion. Indeed, a foster dad is one who places his marriage as a priority. If not, the family will no longer be able to function as a foster family, as the partnership with his own wife will have suffered from lack of attention.
Although it may be difficult to schedule, foster dads need to try and have a Date Night with their spouse on a regular basis. Whether this is once every two weeks once a month, or a similar example, spouses need to have time alone to re-charge their foster batteries, have time to talk without the constant interruption of children, and simply to re-connect with each other and listen to the wishes and frustrations each has. If the partnership is to remain healthy, and the foster family a stable one, foster dads need to communicate daily with their spouse, if only for five minutes a day. Anniversaries, birthdays, and other important dates should not be forgotten by the foster father, as this usually leads to some heavy apologizing afterwards. Indeed, foster dads should make a commitment to their marriage and make time for it each day in some way. Express appreciation for all the work your partner does. Maintain a positive sense of humor. Learn the fine art of compromise; practice forgiveness and learn to fight fair. These are all practices a healthy foster father should employ. Remember, there should be no shame in seeing a marriage counselor with your spouse. Sometimes, a listening ear and a helpful word can aid in creating a healthier marriage. There may be times when your spouse simply needs a break from the demands of being a foster parent. A strong and wise foster father is one who allows the foster to spend some time by herself, or with her friends. Shopping, a trip to the movie theatre, out to dinner with friends, or just some personal time by herself are necessary for her own well being.
To be sure, your role as a foster father is an important one, and one that should not be taken lightly. You are an example for not just this child in need, but for his biological family members, your friends and colleagues, members of your community that you live in, and those in your own household. As noted before, you may be the first and only positive male role model the child has ever had, and maybe the only one in his lifetime. By following some simply guidelines and practices, your role as a foster father will leave a positive impact in the child’s life, preparing him for his own future.
Owner/Editor - Chris Chmielewski