Drs. John and Kelly DeGarmo were awarded the Up With People’s James E. MaCleannan “Everyday Hero Award”, via a nomination and vote by over 22,000 of their peers world-wide for their outstanding service and efforts to make a positive impact on the world. Up With People (UWP) is a non-religious, non-political, international educational program promoting understanding across cultures and people of all walks of life. This year Up With People celebrated its fiftieth anniversary of operations and recognized these two individuals along with others who have gone the extra mile to help out their fellow human being.
John, a young man from Michigan and Kelly was a youthful sprite from Dubbo, New South Wales, Australia, ended up travelling together for a year in 1990. With other students from across the globe they spent a year traveling the US and Europe. And as life would have it, after finishing their journey as a cast, John and Kelly decided to get married and continue their journey into the future together.
It should be said there are only three jobs in this world that are both meaningful and more difficult than being a parent, and they are in order of increasing difficulty: being a step-parent, an adoptive parent, and being a foster parent. Any traditional parent will attest to this truth. However, the DeGarmos wear three out of four of these hats daily.
Kelly and John were able to have three biological children of their own, foster 45 children in their home over the last 13 years, and adopt three of their “at risk” foster children as well. It is not uncommon to hear the DeGarmos report there are 7-10 children in their home at any given time. In a conversation with Kelly she said, “You know, come to think about it, I’ve been changing diapers for almost twenty years now!” What may be even all the more amazing; they do it with a smile.
Of the 45 fostered children; all have needed love and stability, and all came with special and challenging needs. John once relayed some personal experiences regarding one special baby that came into their home.
“You know, you always hear that crack babies are always so difficult to take care of because they have all of these problems. But really, they don’t hold a candle to the babies born to meth-addicted mothers.
“One meth baby we fostered was only a few days old when he came to us. One of the withdrawal symptoms for the meth babies is severe sensory sensitivity. So for this baby, whenever it was awake, it couldn’t stand to have anything touch it, not its diaper, not even the blanket it laid on. Consequently, any moment the baby was awake, it was screaming in pain. And the baby would scream, inconsolable, until finally passing out again in pure exhaustion. This agony went on day in and day out until it finished going through withdrawal. It was tough on us all, and we would just have to take short shifts so that we could keep our sanity.”
So many children come to them at a moments notice and at the most inconvenient times; sometimes in the middle of the night. In 2012, Kelly and John were instrumental in organizing an UWP reunion for the particular group they traveled. Hours into the reunion the DeGarmos received a call from social services: another child was in need. The very next day, Kelly and John went to the hospital and picked up their new foster daughter, and promptly took her back to the reunion. That little girl was welcomed into this world by over seventy individuals from across the world. The DeGarmos later adopted this young lady and to this day she flourishes in their home as a permanent member of their family.
By bringing these children into their home, month after month, and helping them work through whatever challenges the children come with, is only half the story. The other half means having to let the children go. Given the DeGarmos’ big hearts and commitment to each and every foster child placed in their home, this comes with the toll of sadness and heartache that accompanies saying goodbye. The heart-wrenching knowledge that there is a very high probability the children will have to be removed from their biological family again for all the same reasons. John once let down his smile, for a moment, and shared what it was like for each child to leave.
“You know what, it hurts. It hurts. It’s like losing your own child. And Kelly says every time this happens, ‘I’m not doing this again, I’m not putting myself through this again…’. And I agree, it hurts! But you know what? When the phone call comes, because there’s another child out there in need, and they need us, we’re going to say ‘Yes!’ We’re going to say yes to that pain… because there’s a child in need.”
That is the level of dedication and selflessness; a level of love and compassion that most of us simply do not have, or are not willing, to extend on a daily basis. Admittedly, most of us are much too selfish to expose our worlds to such levels of uncertainty and stress. And today there is an extreme need for more foster families. But thankfully there are people, dare we say saints, like the DeGarmos that do reach out and bring these children in need into their homes.
Was it mentioned that John also teaches full-time at the local middle and high schools, and Kelly has her own practice? Both John and Kelly worked on and received their doctorate degrees within five years, while being employed, being full-time parents, and foster parents?
When asked how they were able to do it all, Kelly replied, “Well, we don’t sleep much anyway,” she said with a contagious laugh. “But what else are we going to do? We can’t say ‘no’ and ignore these children.” Similarly, when John was asked the same question he replied, “There are about 500,000 kids in foster care at any given time, and these children need a home. We feel that we are called to serve. No kidding, it is exhausting! But the need is too strong, and I would feel selfish not to do it.”
John has published a primer to foster parenting, Fostering Love, that speaks to the personal journey, and led them to their calling. It provides honest experiences of fostering in an upfront, no-holds-barred look at what fostering entails. He has gone on to publish additional books on the topic: The Foster Parenting Manual, and A Different Home: A Foster Child’s Story. John also travels the U.S. speaking to foster care groups, organizations and parents on not only fostering, but also regarding the state of the foster care system, and hosts a popular internet radio show. It is John and Kelly’s hope that anyone who wants to foster, or is in the process of becoming a foster parent, will go into it with their eyes open, and know there is a community of foster parents out there who have had similar experiences and challenges to what they are and will go through. And both John and Kelly are very open and welcoming to people who want to know more about how fostering works on a daily basis.
In the first few pages of Dr. DeGarmo’s book, Fostering Love, he has the following passage that defines them, speaks to their faith, and to the commitment that strengthens them both.
“For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you took me in.” -- Matthew 25:35
It is important to note that in addition to spending time and energy on the more “at risk” foster kids in the home, John and Kelly make sure to nurture their adoptive and biological children too. They make sure all the children in their home are showered with love and respect, no matter their background: culture, race, challenges, etc. The children in turn learn to respect one another and understand that occasionally, in that moment, one child may need more attention.
This couple is working miracles. They are saving lives. They are touching lives. And they routinely walk on water. They have opened their home and shared their whole world with those who need it most. But most importantly, they treat those in need who have no control over their young lives, with kindness, peace, love, and understanding.
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