I Might Be Exhausted

This issue might have gone out a bit late. (I don’t know that for sure, I just assume with the Holidays and the special print issue this month.)

The first five or six years of the mag were clockwork worthy. (Digitals anyway. There were times when the print issue would be held up at the printer for one reason or another.) The last two years have been pretty solid, but my health nonsense has caused some problems. All in all, for one guy, not too shabby.

Don’t let my devil may care attitude fool you, I die a little inside every time a deadline passes. My hair goes a bit more gray toward the end of each month as the weight of my job hits me. You miss something at work, you get yelled at once, maybe twice. I get yelled at hundreds of times. I might be exaggerating. Most of you are very nice to me. I think the bulk of you know that it’s just me behind a computer screen. I appreciate the fact that most of you give me a pass if the magazine shows up a day or two later than anticipated. Still a blow to the ego.

After 8 years, I’m damn tired. Not tired of the magazine or of the subject I cover. (Let’s be honest, if we didn’t need foster care anymore, I’d be the first one dancing in the streets.) I’m just tired in general.

I think this is the longest job I’ve ever had. That’s saying something. I’m not really known for my stick-to-it-ness. I’m hard working and persistent but I’m also unfocused and easily distracted. I get bored easy. I fill with wanderlust a few times a year. I like napping. I’m not the guy you would have picked for this. My ADHD often gets the best of me. But somehow, someway, I ended up being good at this. People seem to like me and what I do. No one is more surprised than I am.

But I’m tired now. Who knew that 8 years of going as hard as you can for something you care about could have adverse effects?

The family that took me in when I aged out was named Middleton. Papa Middleton was a wise man. He told me, “you can’t burn the candle at both ends”. I’d never heard that before and it stuck with me. There have been times over the course of the last 8 years that I’ve fought like hell to make that an untrue statement. But there’s a reason that saying has lasted so long. Hate it as I may, it’s true.

I’m learning to sleep more. It hasn’t been easy. It means I’m playing catch up a lot. It’s leading to delays. I apologize for that. I’ll get a handle on it.

We soldier on. I feel the work is important, so I keep at it. The kids are worth the effort.

Let’s knock out a little housekeeping. If you are a print subscriber, I want to make clear, the digital and print will be similar. My plan is to add a few adoption stories that have been impactful over the years to the print edition. Everything else will be the same as the Adoption Month digital issue.

Also, I’m tinkering with columns for the new year. Might add a couple. Might drop one or two. All the columns are great, and I hesitate to make changes, but freshness is key when you’ve been doing something for nearly a decade.

I’m behind the 8-ball this month and I took up this whole column complaining about my lack of sleep. I’m going to steal Mr. Villasana’s column this month and share some positive thoughts about National Adoption Awareness Month. I sure hope it was a successful month for you or your group.

Enjoy the issue.