Growing up without my biological parents and being a ward of the State of Florida for most of my youth, I didn't really understand the need for developing strong connections with those around me. And from my experience with the child welfare system across multiple roles -- from my firsthand experience as a youth and from my roles supporting young adults transitioning from foster care to adulthood — I know I’m not alone in that experience. But I now understand the importance of connection, and I work every day to solve that connection gap in child welfare for those I work with and beyond.
From my own experiences, my role as a national advocate and my position as a supervisor of a case management organization in Florida, I’ve seen the way our system as currently designed makes it difficult to develop deep, authentic connections. This is especially true for children who have been entirely separated from their families, as was the case in my life.
I believe my lack of connection was the result of so many people in my life being told the same thing. Whether it was a foster parent or a case manager, a common mantra applied: “This is not your child; don’t become attached.” I really didn’t have anyone to be close to — I had one parent, and they call her the State of Florida. I never made strong connections because people were constantly moving on. When a foster parent believed I wasn’t a good fit for their family, they relocated me. When a case manager thought the job was too tough, they quit. When the judge lost reelection, they moved to a different line of work.
I thought that I wanted to live in a stable home, and I kept telling people that I wanted to be adopted. But as I got older and reflected on what I thought I needed, I realized that it wasn’t any of those things. It wasn’t a house and it definitely wasn’t a court document. It was a connection to someone who thought I belonged - someone who cared about me.
When I was 20 years old, I started considering my career path. I had earned my bachelor’s degree in psychology, but was unsure of how to use it. I realized that what I wanted was to solve the “connection gap” in child welfare. To that end, since exiting the foster care system I have worked on the National Foster Youth and Alumni Policy Council and was chosen as one of Foster Club’s 100 Outstanding Young Leaders. I have been employed by Heartland For Children, Children’s Home Society of Florida and One Hope United, and currently I work for SailFuture — all advocating for the reform I know is needed.
Through that work, I have been able to see past the systemic change we need into the very personal challenge that those in the system face. I have seen youth who needed an advocate to find a school that’s a good fit, and have led the charge toward the Every Student Succeeds Act. I have seen youth who only want to be considered a child and not labeled a prostitute after escaping from human trafficking, and have seen passionate people working to ensure no youth ever experiences that trauma in foster care.
After years of working to reform the system and advocating for the changes I know are necessary and urgently needed, I received a Casey Excellence for Children Award in 2020 from Casey Family Programs. This award is a recognition of my work advocating for child welfare reform and being a leader in the field, and I treasure it because it means that I didn’t leave behind the community that built me up and defined the person I am today. It shows that I care about cultivating relationships with the families I partner with toward reunification, care about the youth I partner with in their growth, and care about strengthening families more than judging them. Just like many of our children, parents needed someone to support them too.
Looking forward, it is my hope that every child have not only a forever home, but a forever connection. I would encourage people working in child welfare to consider becoming a mentor or intentionally donating your time to a child who feels they have no one. As I continue providing insight from my experience in multiple professional roles, advocacy work and lived experience, I know that we can make an immense impact when we allow ourselves to authentically connect with a child. If we allow them to find their sense of belonging, we in turn allow them to unlock their highest potential.
Owner/Editor - Chris Chmielewski