When you mention foster children, people's thoughts may go to a small child who is alone in a government institution. Although this can be the case, there is another group of foster youth who are often overlooked: children who have aged out of foster care. These now-adults often carry a lot of hurt, and as they get older, many become desperate to find and reunite with their family.
One such foster child was Debra. She had been living with her mother, brother, and sister near the East Coast until at age 15, Debra's world fell apart. That's when her mother decided to go back to Mexico. The most painful part for Debra was not the idea of having to leave her friends and schoolmates. No, the most painful part was that her mother took Debra's younger siblings and abandoned Debra, who was placed into the foster care system. She aged out three years later, at age 18, and was completely alone.
Debra became engaged to and then married a soldier in the army. By age 22, she had started a serious search to find her mother. Despite having a lot of information on the whereabouts of her mother, Debra had been unable to find her.
That's when her loving husband contacted our organization -- which was not an easy task since, at the time, he was stationed in Iraq. He told us about his wife's situation and asked us for help.
When a child enters into foster care, one of the most pressing activities for agencies is to start family finding: the process of identifying, locating and notifying parents and relatives. This process is mandated by federal and state laws. Generally, family finding is a pretty straight forward process for foster care agencies. Go to a computer, pull up a database such as Intelius or LexisNexis, and a caseworker can locate dozens of relatives living in the U.S. With a defined family finding process in place, agencies can expect a success rate of eighty to eighty-five percent. However, some agencies still have no formal family finding program.
Additionally, many if not most foster care agencies around the country lack the resources and experience that could allow them find a foster child’s family members who live outside the U.S. So if a government agency that receives millions of dollars to locate relations can’t or fails to do so, you have to wonder how likely it is that a foster child will fare any better with such a search once they age out. The reality is that their ability is find relatives on their own is very limited, especially when those family members live outside the U.S.
Fortunately for Debra and her husband, our organization, Forever Homes for Foster Kids, has been successfully locating parents and other family members in Latin America for 25 years. Within three weeks, Debra’s husband received our report, which contained detailed contact information. Debra was able to pick up the phone, call the number we provided, and speak with her mother and younger brother and sister after being separated from them for seven years. Debra's husband wrote,
"Thanks to your information, my wife was able to talk with her mother after being apart for seven years. Thank you and God bless. A family has been reunited."
This outcome is what hundreds of thousands of foster children want and deserve. Family finding provides massive benefit not only for the children, but to their families and society. Stronger families make stronger communities. Unfortunately, despite the millions of dollars that continue to pour into foster care to perform family finding, too much of this funding is siphoned off to other social activities.
So many foster kids are left alone and disconnected from their families, year after year. Thousands more age out having had no contact with their relatives. While it is often too late for former foster youths, thorough family finding can forever change the life of a current foster child for the better by reuniting them with their relatives. Whether the family members are found or not, every child in foster care deserves that we do our best to bring about family reunification.
Owner/Editor - Chris Chmielewski