Writing the feature article in this month’s Foster Focus Magazine, “He Tricked Me,” was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. More difficult were the interviews with rescued of children. But child sex trafficking takes the whole conversation to another level. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. And it’s evil beyond description. But if good people don’t start talking about it and doing everything possible to prevent it and to “reduce the demand,” then child sex trafficking is going to continue. It’s right here in the US. In fact, it’s within driving distance of your home—regardless of where you live.
Here are five observations I noted in the stories of rescued trafficking victims. We want to hear your observations and suggestions for helping kids avoid being lured into trafficking. Please send them to http://www.rhondasciortino.com/contact/.
1. Relationship failure
Most rescued trafficking victims report having had a poor relationship with their mother prior to entering “the life.” Most report that their father was not living in the house; and in many of those cases, the father is not involved in their lives at all.
Believing that we’re loved by someone who cares about us and truly has our best interests at heart is a strong, binding tie that is not easily broken. But when we believe (accurately or not) that we’re not truly loved or that the person has priorities that are higher on the chart than our well-being, we are willing to chance placing our trust in the people who we do believe care about us. Sadly, many traffickers know this and prey upon young, vulnerable victims who feel unloved and unwanted.
2. Making the decision to intentionally attract the attention of the wrong guy
Rescued trafficking victims commonly report that they truly believed that the trafficker was “a good guy.” Traffickers often look very different from the stereotypical “pimps” portrayed in the movies. Victims are often lured in (with their guard completely down) by the clean-cut, nice-looking young guy who seems to have it all together.
So, how do we know who the “wrong guys” are? The truth is that there may be no way to know. But we can have enough respect for ourselves that we determine not to intentionally attract the attention of just anyone. The right person will be attracted to who we are as a person without us having to act a certain way, take pictures of ourselves, or do degrading things.
3. Taking and sending the wrong kinds of pictures
Many girls are shocked to find out that the person to whom she sent pictures shared those pictures with others. The thing she thought was special and private is in the hands of people who are making fun of her and/or marketing her to others. Many people are unaware that these pictures often wind up in online “catalogs” of girls for sale.
4. Deciding to go
That first decision to trust the trafficker is like the first step off a tall building, plunging you to a depth of pain previously inconceivable. Rescued victims vividly recall the moment they decided to get in the car. There is a specific turning point from which there is no return. The commitment has been made. In the majority of cases, this decision is not forced. It’s willingly made. It’s the last free choice they make.
5. Not trying to escape
Most rescued victims report that they were afraid to try to escape. They knew that if they tried to run, they’d never make it. The trafficker and his network of people would see her, track her down, and either kill her or make her wish she were dead. By the time the controls have been slightly lessened and escape would be possible, the victims no longer try. Many victims report that the trafficker threatened to go get her brother or sister to replace her if she left. To save her siblings, many victims will continue to submit to the abuse. Remember that during the “grooming” or “feigned courtship” period, the trafficker gathered every bit of information he would ever need to emotionally manipulate his victim.
After a time, victims seem to shift from considering how to leave to fear of trying, to willing compliance in “supporting the family.” They’re told over and over that the only person who cares is the “daddy” or “boyfriend.” After being told that he is the one who took her out of her sad home life, puts a roof over her head, feeds her, buys her clothes, gets her nails done,etc., she begins to believe that she really is better off in “the family.”
Sandie Morgan’s Perspective
The five decisions that Rhonda identified underline the necessity of adult support to prevent sex trafficking of foster children. As Rhonda's report demonstrates, most statistics indicate that the average age of entry into commercial sexual exploitation is 12 or 13 years old, a vulnerable stage of adolescence. This age of child development is confusing not only for the child, but also for the adults in his/her life. Notice that vulnerability to child exploitation is related to CHILD development.
The first error adults often make with this age group is having unreal expectations of a child who is not even tall enough to look them in the eye. A parent, a teacher, a case manager, and any caretaker for these adolescents can easily misjudge the ability of their charges to make wise decisions and then try to escape personal responsibility by pointing out to the child that the situation he/she is now in reflects his/her poor choices. While that is clearly true, we must also consider how the adults in this child’s life can learn to better support his/her decision-making process.
As a guide, here are five cautions for adults to remember framed in the age-old lesson of bicycle riding.
1. S/He is big enough for an adult bike, but his/her brain isn't done.
A child’s motor skills develop long before his/her decision-making skills. The brain matures from the back to the front, and the last part to develop is the prefrontal lobe, right where executive decision-making is located. That’s the ability to consider risk. Should I wear a helmet? Should I play chicken with cars? Should I go as fast as possible? The adult answers “no” to all of these risk questions. The adolescent answers with feeling words: I don’t want to wear a helmet. No one else is and I don’t want to look uncool. Riding as fast as I can in the opposite direction of the cars is exciting! I love the thrill!
2. S/He will resist your assistance/advice because this stage of development is all about learning to be independent.
When you point out the risks above, your adolescent will not nod and hug you for caring so much. S/He will argue and throw a teen tantrum, but YOU are the training wheels.
3. As children grow, falls are farther and faster and result in much graver injuries.
It was so much easier when you were teaching them to ride their first little 14–inch bicycle. When they fell, it was just a few inches and the scrapes and bruises healed quickly. Now, you equip the bicycle with lights and reflector tape, taking every precaution to ensure safety.
4. Teach your young rider how to maintain the bike and change a flat tire.
This is time-consuming and requires repetition. Children learn it best by example. Oil all of the working parts regularly, especially the chain (affirmation), check the brakes (consistent discipline, not punishment), check the tires for proper air pressure (over-or under-ego problematic).
5. Practice what to do in an emergency—who to call and how to reach you, the adult he/she knows and trusts.
Connecting the dots will help us understand that children are not yet equipped to make the best choices, so it is important that the adults around them understand that and remember their role in keeping children safe, even when the children resist. The outcomes of the five decisions Rhonda identified can be tragic. But we can do better to reduce the vulnerability of these children. We can increase their sense of belonging and being cared for by planning strategies that reduce their risk of being trafficked, such as making sure they are involved in afterschool programs and group activities that are supervised by adults.
Again, just like bicycle maintenance, oil all of the working parts regularly with deserved affirmation, check the brakes with consistent discipline, pump up the tires with the proper air for a healthy ego that is not overinflated and cocky, or flat with low self-esteem. Make sure they know that if they get into something out of their control, they can still call you at any point when they begin to feel uncomfortable with their decisions. You’re the adult and they need to know that you will help them find the road back.
Owner/Editor - Chris Chmielewski