Born to be Down

“Born to be down. I’ve learned all my lessons before now. Born to be down. I guess I’ll get used to it.”
~Local H

I’ve been mentally and physically out of sorts for over a year now. Foggy. Maybe it’s the extinguished fire that was in my belly the first 5 years. Maybe it’s disappointment that I haven’t made Foster Focus a household name. That would be a weird side effect of doing much better than I expected to do with the magazine; angry that it isn’t bigger. But this is the man I am. I’m complex and conflicted. Overwhelmed and underwhelmed. Content and rabidly chasing a dream. Both confident and uncomfortable in my own skin. Like most former foster kids, I’m a tricky one to pin down.

I’ll be honest, after the beginning of Summer uncertainty and 2 months of hard selling ads, I’m kind of spent and I don’t really have a topic for this column this month. So, I’m going to do that thing where you just start writing and it all kind of comes together. That should work, right?

When this whole thing (the mag) started, I was pretty focused on the things I thought people needed to know; info about care, success and failure stories and the occasional awful story. What’s happened is what I thought might when I started. I’ve always said that I’ll never run out of material for the magazine, because much like a tree, foster care has branches and limbs that shoot out in a million directions. Because of that, this magazine has evolved over the years to include things like human trafficking and rehoming; two subjects that weren’t really even on my radar when I started.

I think that’s the sign of a quality product, more specifically, a quality magazine. The magazines that I enjoy are the ones that have grown with me. They’ve changed as I’ve changed. And they still manage to hold on to their core purpose. A mix of the new and the old. Yeah. That’s my kind of magazine. Sports Illustrated and Time always did/do a great job of this. SI evolved with the technology but kept features like Faces in the Crowd and their quotes section. You need that. You need to touch the past while moving to the future. There’s a comfort in that.

I’ve tried to bring that evolution and comfort to Foster Focus.

You know what? This isn’t working at all. I’m nothing if not brutally honest. I’m just not bringing the heat with this column this time out. This isn’t very good is it? Ok. No sweat. Let’s quit while we’re ahead. I’ll stop writing, send out the issue and start working on August. We tried. Didn’t work. I’ll have something better for you in this column next month. I’ll shake off this funk I’ve been in, crank up my energy and bring you the goods next month.

Took me seven years to run out of personal stuff to write. Maybe I need to get out in the world again for new material. Thanks for trying to read this drivel. The issue itself is great, this month’s column is not indicative of the quality of the issue. Just indicative of my stagnant attitude. We’ll back to normal next month. Enjoy the issue.