ASPIRANET Foster Parents; Diversity in Action

The Wild Family
Melanie Paiva and Family
The Berry Family

Foster parents can be as diverse a group as the kids they are commissioned to look after. They too, range in age,
race, background, even the reasons for their involvement in foster care are unique to the individual. But wherever
they come from, whatever the reason, they make the mosaic of foster care complete. Without qualified foster
parents the whole system would crumble. Most do it without the desire for recognition. Some do it because they
remember what it was like to have no one. And others were touched by a moment that set their life's work in motion.
For each of these selfless individuals there are dozens of foster kids who are grateful for the choice they made to be
a foster parent.

In California, Aspiranet is one of the largest and most innovative nonprofit social services agencies the state has to
offer. For over thirty-five years, Aspiranet has been making sure that there were enough qualified foster parents to
tend to the children of California. Over the years they have produced thousands of amazing foster parents who have
helped countless children without herald. While most of these humble foster parents deserve to have their stories
told, that isn't the reason they do what they do.

Let's  meet just a few of these folks.  Maybe we'll learn how a diverse crop of foster parents can strengthen an
agency and even a state.

Call of the Wild

Jani and Deb Wild found themselves at a crossroad. They had each other but wanted more, they wanted a family.
They would explore all the conventional routes including in-vitro fertilization and egg donation.  That course of action
can be a daunting, frustrating one and soon the Wilds found themselves second guessing their family plan. It was
about this time that a friend told them about the need for adoptions from foster care.

Armed with a new plan they started the quest to find the right agency to fit their vision. They checked with smaller
agencies but they were understaffed and overwhelmed. Jani Wild recounts, "Just becoming foster parents was a
challenge because social services was backed up and they told us to wait 6 months or go through the process again
with an outside agency. Luckily for us, that led us to Aspiranet! Their multi-level support helped us through some
difficult times, including a decision that we were not a good fit for some of the foster kids we met." They were
continually referred to Aspiranet. Soon they found themselves completing Aspiranet's certification program and were
newly minted foster parents for the state of California.

They didn't have to wait long for their first placement.

"Joshua was our introduction to foster care, and he was an emergency placement on a holiday weekend. At that
point in his life he was not using words, and we were told that the chance that he would ever have language was slim
to none. He was with us for 1 day when we had to take him back to the hospital because he was so sick - he had
pneumonia. He was terrified of the hospital and didn’t understand any of the things like taking medicine and inserting
IV lines – poor guy! After such a rough start, he was still an entirely gentle soul who had us loving him in no time!"
says Jani

They were hooked.

For the Wild's it was easy to care about foster kids, "They are the ones paying the price for other people's choices,
they have no choice except how to respond to the raw deal they've been handed. If we can make a positive
difference in a child's life, even if just for 24 hours, that can help them cope with all the other things life will throw at
them."

She goes on to say "While entering into foster care can be daunting due to the unknown thoughts of what a child
has already lived through, the reality is that helping a child learn that they are safe and that they are precious and
that they are loved is a treasure that moves you beyond those fears. Foster care can sometimes seem like an
incredible jumble of paperwork and multiple required visits fitting in with school and medical appointments, not to
mention the fact that some foster parents have other jobs in addition to raising the kids and keeping a household
running. Aspiranet was extremely helpful in dealing with some of the painful aftermath of visits, as well as
acknowledging the magnitude of managing the logistics for multiple children and multiple visits, they also helped us
manage the volume of paperwork required to document that each child was getting the care they needed."

That support led them to continue to build their family through the foster care system. Jani explains, "eventually, we
decided we wanted to move from being foster parents into adopting another child, and that’s when we met Elias. He
seemed like a great fit and we immediately wanted him to join our family. Then, we learned that he had a brother
who might also need a new foster home, and we said we absolutely wanted to keep the siblings together if we could,
and when we met Daniel we knew this could work too. The processes were set in motion to have them moved to our
house when we learned about two more siblings, a younger sister in the same home with Daniel and an older
brother in a different foster home. While this challenge seemed daunting at first, we decided that we could do this,
especially if it would mean keeping the siblings together. In fact, the eldest sibling was another emergency
placement for us, as we met him on Friday and he moved into our home the following Monday. Due to school
schedules and summer programs, the first sibling we had met, Eli, was actually the last child to move in with us! After
much discussion with all the social workers involved, our battle to keep the siblings together was over and all 4
children were gradually moved into our home."

Through the years the family has grown along with the legacy of help and care they have created. When asked
about that legacy, Jani says,  "We would like people to understand that foster care does not mean that any child is a
2nd class citizen. In our house, every foster child was treated as a member of the family, with all the rights and
responsibilities that entailed. We would also like them to know that while these kids may have had to deal with
difficult stuff, children can and will move through that grief and loss with your love and guidance. You can help them
find their way, even with the extra challenges they are facing."

The Sweeter the Berry

With a smile that lights up a room, it's easy to see Cynthia Berry has a lot of love to give. The smile does shield
some pain that she had experienced through the years, but you wouldn't know any of that from talking to her. To talk
to her you'd instead learn the tale of a single mother to a fifteen year old girl who found herself disabled but not
defeated.

Faced with that disability and the ability to still give she searched for an avenue to share her positive outlook on the
world. She recalled a time in college at UC-Irvine when a club she was involved in would take to the community
interacting with kids from the neighborhood. She remembered how mentoring impacted the kids and wanted that
feeling again. Cynthia has a deep love for children, she explains " The biggest thing is at one time in your whole life
you become care free and not have a care in the world. As you grow up, you become more mature and aware of
dangers and traumas. When you’re a kid, it should be full of imagination and fun. Those things teach you how to
deal with adversity. No child should be brought up in pain and hardship forever. Being a foster parent allows me to
help them to have a good childhood and release some of the pain, anger and frustration that they have had. You
need to be able to have them look into the future with hope so they grow up and become a good part of society and
not the worst. When people think about foster care and adoption, they often think of babies needing homes. The
truth is, there are children of all ages who need the love and care of a family. No matter what their age and
circumstances, all children, youth and teens deserve to belong to a family of their own. I have spent nearly five years
as a foster parent to 20 children. I receive so much joy from nurturing the foster children in my care. I love these kids
as if they are my own. If it happens that they cannot return to their birth families, it would be an honor to become
their mom for life."

Aspiranet was so pleased with Cynthia's work they felt the need to honor her at an open house for the agency's
Santa Fe Springs office. But that isn't why she is a foster parent, " When I close my eyes, I still see most of the kids I
have fostered. I still help them, I go to their school plays, check on their well-being. I would like to see them grow up
and be a good parent based on how I raised them."

She would like to see an increase in people becoming foster parents, " What I would like to see is more people
stepping up to be foster parents. Take a child that has been in the worst situation possible, who had no trust, love or
any hope for the future and show them how to be a positive person to society" says Cynthia.

Certainly with foster parents like Cynthia Berry in the fold, the next generation of foster youth have a chance at
becoming that positive person.

The light in the storm

Imagine the joy of the final stage of the adoption process. Rooms are decorated. New toys line the walls. Fresh
clothing in dressers that still smell of paint. Now imagine the black cloud that must have flown above the home of
Melanie Paiva the day she learned her husband had passed suddenly of a rare heart infection. Now imagine putting
your life back together without your other half.

When you have the love for children that Melanie and her husband had you push through to ensure that those kids
have a home.  She recalls the months following the loss of her husband, "The next few months were hard on all of
us.  For the first time ever I had to walk through motherhood without my husband by my side.  But the number of
people who showed up to help us was amazing.  The members of my church brought food, watched the kids for me,
mowed my yards, checked oil and water in my cars and so much more.  The wonderful social workers were there to
assure me that the plan to adopt the kids was still in place and helped me with all the paper work and such to get me
through it.  Friends and family also brought food and helped run errands and even fixed my fence. Most importantly
God was there through it all, when I thought I can't do this one more day He walked me through it.  The night I lost
my husband God held me in His arms all night long.  The next morning it was only by Gods strength that I was able
to get Apollonia and Isaiah (two adopted children) off to school.  Finally the adoption was finalized in November of
2011 on Adoption Saturday. It was a joyous day we even brought dad along in a picture.  We were surrounded by
family friends and our amazing social workers.  When we entered the Judge's chambers and explained why we
brought the picture of dad I don't think there was a dry eye in the place."

She attributes her ability to carry on to her faith, the children she cares for and the support given to her by her
agency, "There are children out there right now that need a place to call home, even if it is just temporary and the
children do return back to their home, they need a safe place to be until their home is safe."

She continues, "No matter how many foster and adoptive children Aspiranet helps, I know that there are thousands
more still waiting. It’s this great need that motivates Aspiranet to work tirelessly to recruit new parents and train and
support those who have already stepped up. It is a team effort and Aspiranet is always in your corner."

The lives of these remarkable women were chiseled through circumstance and foster care. While all of these
extraordinary foster parents will unarguably leave a legacy of care behind them.

That legacy is not what drives them, in the words of Melinda Paiva the only legacy that matters is, " That I made a
difference in a child's life."